Blind Dates Suck
by Dimkas Girl
Summary: What you see isn't always what you get. Especially for Edward when he is at the bar. Will he have to blame Tom for his dating life or will he find something better. All human and probably a lot out of character.
1. Blame Tom?

**Well I'm not sure how this is going to turn out yet but I do know I got the parts of this from a song I listen to frequently. I wanna see if anyone can guess the song, and if not I will eventually post it and a link to it. Well this is basically Edward going on a blind date and realizing it sucks and Blind dates suck, hence the title. But what will he find at the bar after he leaves his crappy date? Who will he find? Well I rated this story M because I'm paranoid and because the character may use words that aren't dinner table conversation appropriate. Okay so I am going to stop talking now and let y'all read. **

**Blind Dates Suck**

"Pick up your pants girl!" I said raising my voice. I walked over to the other side of the back room. I just wanted to get back out to the bar and drink and be with my brother, Jasper.

"But Edward-"

"No. We aren't drunk enough to get it on!" I practically yelled.

"Not drunk enough? Someone can hold their liquor, huh? I would have thought you drank the place out." She said with a sardonic smile playing at the edges of her lips.

"I need a frekin' Viagra! Cause you're to ugly to turn me on." Well that wiped the smile off her lips quickly.

"You said my MySpace picture was beautiful." She said and it came out in a whine that made me want to bash my head in.

"Yeah, I saw your picture. My MySpace has never done me wrong, either. Until tonight girl, you are not my type girl."

"So, what? You want me to just leave?" She gave me an exasperated look.

"Yeah, Lauren, that would be the point." I said and turned on my heel; I'm done with her.

I walked out of the back room and scanned the dance floor. No sign of Jasper there. At the bar, though, that's a different story. He was sitting on a stool nursing a bottle of beer. It looked like he more so reading the nutrition facts.

"So how good is a beer for you?" I asked coming up behind him. Scared the hell out of him too. He jumped letting out a yelp and spilled some beer on the bar.

"Just dandy." He muttered dryly. Then he looked around. "Where's Jessica?"

"Jessica was last week, fuck I sound like a whore. But anyway tonight was Lauren."

"How did that go?" he snickered.

"You wanna know the first thing I thought when I saw her?" I asked and he nodded.

"I'm going to need a little more drinks that that. To hook up with a girl that looks like that. Oh my god this bitch is fat! She is going to totally squash my skinny ass. I was about to ask you to lift me up, lift me over the bar, and fill me up. I was in need of a few more drinks and some drugs. That was the only thing that was going to make me wanna wake next to her.

"She had me hypnotized! I could tell by the way she licked her lips. More like slobbered on them, but you get the point. And I had a feeling we were going to fuck tonight but I couldn't let that happen. Oh my god I couldn't live like that. I was about to ask for someone to take my life. I'm not emo but I would rather be dead that with that bitch!" I was gasping for air by the time I was done with my rant.

"If I was there I think I may have told you to jump out a damn window." Jasper said smiling. I couldn't help but scan the room again. I think I may be desperate that's what Rose, my sister, said anyway.

"Do you just wanna go home I don't want to have another reason to blame Tom for my bad dating life."

"Yeah I would Edward but look what just walked in." Jasper pointed to two lovely ladies that just walked in.

A pretty short girl walked in. She was in a stunning silver dress that flowed around her. She was elfin, almost pixy- like. Her short, black, hair was spiked in an array all over her head. I was about to show her to Jasper, because I think they would go great together. Man, I feel like the fuckin' matchmaker. Anyway, Jasper was drooling over her. He was in for it and so was I.

A elegant girl walked in. She was in an astonishing blue dress. It was simple but had such an effect on her with her creamy skin. She was taller than the other girl. And from here she had brown eyes and long mahogany hair. I had to close my mouth; don't wanna start drooling like Jasper. I think I'm falling, and falling hard.

**Alright well this is the first chapter and I really want your feedback. Let me know how I did. And yeah that's it. Next chapter is in the works if y'all really want it. XXX**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright, Well no one guessed the song so I figured I will just tell you. It was Blame Tom by BrokenCyde. I am using a song in this chapter too. I'm not sure which ones yet, but I will let you know in the end. So, um, I'm just going to let you read. I don't have much to say about this one. If anyone is confused please let me know. Oh yeah…. Um I kinda forget what I was going to say.**

**Oh and I am going to put a huge disclaimer towards the end of this story that way I don't have to worry about it and that way I can include everything I have to say. K? K.**

**Bella POV **

_Walk in to the club lookin' kinda sexy now._

"I do feel sexy." Alice said smiling.

_I see these shorties in the corner, they started makin' out_

"That's not something I would like to see_." _She said her expression turning sour.

"Hey Girls!" We heard a booming voice yell out.

"Emmett!" We said together and looked over to see him standing by a booth, grinning like an idiot.Oh we were in for it.

"Em!" Alice yelled kissing him on the cheek, all the while reaching behind him to grab his beer. I laughed and went to the bar to get myself a drink, after excusing myself.

"Pear martini, Apple martini, Pear martini, Apple mar-"

"Go with the pear martini." I turned to the ass who cut off my thought process. I was stunned by his beauty. Green eyes and bronze hair. Flawless. Beauty+Club=Player. I don't do players, but he looks like a fun one to mess with.

"Awe. Thanks you." I said with fake sincerity on my face.

"I'll have a sex on the beach." I said to the bar tender with an annoyed expression and turned back to the mut. He was staring at me.

" I would appreciate it is you would talk to my face and not my boobs" when I glared he dropped his gaze.

"Do you want to go get something to eat?" He asked and looked genuinely curious, but I hadn't had my fun yet.

"I'm anorexic." I said with the straightest face I could muster. **(This is not meant to be taken in an offensive way to anyone.) ** He looked down from my face to gaze at the rest of my body with a confused expression.

"No you're not." He said and it was almost a question.

"Is that a fat joke!" I yelled at him and a few people looked up from their drinks.

"No! I just… uh… fuck" He was at a loss for words. And I was laughing. He gave me another weird expression and held out his hand.

"Let's start over I'm Edward Masen." He said as I grabbed his hand to shake it. I gave him my firm business-like shake.

"I am Bella Cullen. I am here with my sister Alice Cullen and my brother Emmett Cullen." I said reaching for my drink.

"My brother, Jasper Hale, is here somewhere, or there." He glanced around until his eyes landed on a tall blonde guy who may I say is very attractive. He was also standing with Alice.

"Alice!" I yelled and she looked up and waved. I winked and nodded towards Jasper and she nodded happily. I grabbed Edwards arm and dragged him over to them. Him and Jasper fist bumped and Alice looked at them in amazement like the fist bump was the coolest thing ever. Then again she has never done it before. She held out her fist to me to which I covered with the palm of my hand.

"Paper covers rock, bitch." I said and everyone was laughing.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors, two-thirds!" Emmett yelled. Me and Alice laughed as Edward and Jasper sat there looking confused as hell. I looked at Emmett to explain.

"Rock beats scissors. These scissors are bent; destroyed I can't cut stuff I lose. Scissors cuts paper. This is strips this is not even paper anymore. It will take forever to put it together again, you got me. Paper covers rock. Rock is fine! No structural damage done to rock! Rock can break through paper at any point just say the word. Paper sucks. It should be rock, dynamite with a cuttable wick, scissors. Makes much more sense that way." Emmett said with a straight face. And Edward gave him a look like 'How many times were you dropped…' and I had to smile.

When he looked over at me I gasped. There was so much intensity behind the green eyes it was penetrating straight to my soul. Luring me forward, and …

"Let's go upstairs. I wanna get food!" Emmett bellowed, snapping me out of my reverie .

"You have seven stomachs! Alright lets go." Alice said sighing. She grabbed Jaspers arm and pulled him up the stairs behind Emmett.

"Would you like to follow them? What?" He said noticing the look I was giving him.

"Well you are in a club. Doesn't that kinda scream player?"

"Well I am not a player, that's for sure. I left my Blind date just be for you walked in with Alice."

"Yeah when we walk in all heads turn." I said quoting Alice's favorite song, Rich Boy.

"You got that right. Jasper was practically drooling over Alice."

"Good, he seems good for her." I said thoughtfully.

"Emmett needs a girl, too." I continued mussing over the thought. Edward looked at me and made a motion for the steps which led to the dinner place. I nodded and walked up with him on my heels. I looked around to find Alice giving Emmett a disgusted look.

"Awe c'mon now. Don't get mad peaches, he's just hungry." Jasper said with a slight southern drawl. Ah, a southerner; that's hot! Alice is in for it.

"My point exactly!" Emmett Said with a mouth full of food.

"Emmett, that's nasty!" I said coming up just behind him. I sat down with Edward and Alice looked from me to him. She gave me a _look _and cocked **(ha-ha) **her eyebrow. I shook my head furiously. There was no way in hell I was going to date this douche. I mean come on he left his blind date who I presume he met on MySpace. God, I know this is a bad time but I really need a cigarette, all this stress is getting to me. I reached into to my purse and slipped one into my hand along with my lighter and stood up.

"I'll be right back guys." I said turning to leave.

"Oh no you are not! Missy sit your ass down right now!" Alice said pointing to my chair, but my feet stayed planted.

"Bella, sit down now." Emmett said. Damn why did they have to see it!

"Fine guys." I muttered sitting down throwing my things in my bag.

"Someone wanna explain?" Jasper said confused.

"Well you see Bella has a horrible problem with using products on her face and we told her that if she keeps it up she is going to break out." Alice said as Emmett completed it with a "Dun Dun DUN!" Which caused us all to laugh.

"ROSIE!" Edward and Jasper said suddenly in perfect unison. I turned around to see a beautiful Blonde walking towards us.

"Well hello boys. This is a surprise." Said Rose.

"Rose this is Bella, Alice, Emmett, and Jasper." Edward said pointing to each of us and earned a smack from Rose.

"I know Jasper, dumbass. Hi guys, I am Rosalie, Jaspers twin and this ass's sister." She said pointing at Edward.

"I thought that too!" I yelled slamming my palms on the table and everyone looked at me confused, everyone but Edward he almost looked dejected.

"Huh?" Rose said looking at me along with everyone else who was questioning my sanity.

"Oh! Well I mean I knew you and Jasper were twins because of your…. Facial structure?" Ah Crap that came out as a question! They know I'm lying.

"Ah ah ah!" Emmett said wagging his finger, "You need to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth"

"I swear officer! I'm not guilty!" I said smiling up at Emmett and once our eyes met I dropped the smile. "We aren't in court, stupid. Alright, I'll tell you. I thought Edward was an ass because I was talking to myself trying to pick a drink and he took it upon himself to choose it for me so I told him thank you and ordered my drink." I said rolling my eyes.

"Did you get the drink he recommended?" Alice said looking like she was going to explode.

"No I got a sex on the beach. I wasn't going to give into him! That's what he wanted, so I couldn't have done it."

" I see where you're coming from, but I don't think that tactic applies to buying a drink in the bar." Jasper said and I could only nod. Edward was staring and it was amazing and made me wanna get closer, but we were not alone and I had to stay seated.

"Right, Bella?"

"Huh?" I said snapping out of my little trance.

"I said remember the first time you came home drunk and mom flipped her shit and dad almost busted a nut and you know what Bella said? 'God guys calm down at least I'm not a violent drunk. Have a seat and drink something.'" Emmett said laughing at the memory.

"Yeah, she may not be a violent drunk, but she is a loud and happy drunk." Alice said agreeing with Emmett.

"Yeah, yeah so I didn't sleep. Woo-Hoo!" I said waving my hand in dismissal. "I blame James that night he gave me the beer!" I said remembering my ex-boyfriend.

_*Flashback*_

"_C'mon, baby, one beer you need to loosen up a bit." James said dragging me towards the cooler pulling one out for me._

"_Okay, but only one. I will go home sober!" I said as I took the beer from his hand._

_-6 beers later-_

"_James! I have to get home! I Just remembered Momma Esme wants me to water the…. Oh crap what was it." I said _

"_Alright Bella lets go home, I guess." He said taking my last drink away._

"_I'm really tired but I have to go home and water the dog. Oh that's it! Momma Esme wants me to water the dog!"_

"_Okay, yeah your drunk. Babe you can sleep in the car I'll put you in the back seat." He said and I mumbled and 'okay' and hooked my arms around his neck as he picked me up bridal style and carried me to his car._

"_Oh by the way, you don't have a do." Was the last thing I heard before sleep took over._

_*End Flashback*_

That was that was when he was a sweet boyfriend; before the abuse started.

**Ah chapter 2 complete! I am sort happy how this one turned out. This story is supposed to be full of humor and I know some of this may not be funny to any of you, but stay with me I will make every single one of you laugh. Y'all watch you will laugh. And I know this because I read this to my one friend and she didn't laugh, but my other friend was laughing hysterically! Well this is really long to I'll let you go. Review please! :) **


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